Every day, we are fed false ideas about what manhood is, most of them centred around a man’s sexuality. One of the things I am really excited about is raising boys to be men who understand the power of their sexuality and do not abuse it. Here are 8 things that I would teach my sons about sex:
1. Virginity is not just a girl thing.
Believe it or not, virginity is not a disease that you need to be cured of, it is a good thing. And it is really manly! Any man can give in to his urges, it takes a real man to discipline himself and say no. But remember, virginity is not the same thing as sexual purity. Purity happens when God transforms your heart and by His power and enables you to stay on the straight and narrow.
2. The measure of a man is not the measure of his ‘ego’.
As you get older you will hear jokes about shoe sizes and will notice “Dr Makabimba from the Congo” posters. Do not be deceived. What makes a man a real man is the state of his heart, your body will fade and wither. “Guard your heart because that’s where life starts.” Proverbs 4:21
3. Sex is not essential to life. You will not die without it, I promise.
4. But “the thirst” is real.
5. So if you want it then you better put a ring on it.
“Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring fed well.” Proverbs 5:25
Sex is good and beautiful and it was created by God, He sets the ground rules for when and where it happens. The answer is simple: between a married man and woman. No ringy, no thingy. And when you commit you are doing it for life to that one woman so choose wisely.
Having said all of that, more than anything I want my son to be a man who knows how to:
6. Talk that talk.
“Remove perverse speech from your mouth; keep devious speech from your lips.” Proverbs 4:2
Your words must communicate your respect for women, you’re not a rapper, don’t call women names. As for sexual jokes, to be honest they just sound stupid, avoid that nonsense.
7. Try a little tenderness.
“Do not envy a violent man, and do not choose to imitate any of his ways.” Proverbs 3:31
A man’s strength is a gift that is to be used to benefit others, to be given wisely. Never EVER take forcefully or use your strength to take advantage of another, there is no excusing this.
8. R-E-S-P-E-C-T (take care TCB).
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” Proverbs 1:7
Aretha said it right. Firstly, be a man who respects God, this is where wisdom starts. Secondly, respect yourself as a man and treat others with respect. Women are not conquests that you “take down” or objectify. Real men regard women as their equals and treat them accordingly.
As usual, I would love to know your thoughts.
Thanks for reading.