Behind Closed Doors :: Is your private life R18 or Fam?

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Doors, by Shula

Over the years, hundreds of scandals have broken involving celebrities, politicians and clergy/ preachers. The scandals are juicy and larger-than- Hollywood, tales of how money, power and sex corrupts.

We watch in fascination as their secrets are revealed: philandering presidents, crooked “tenderpreneurs” and perverted priests. This kind of news breaks every day, squeaky clean reputations spoiled forever.

If your behind the scenes footage was released on YouTube, what would we see? An uncomfortable question! Some of us have stuff going on that we cannot reveal to even our closest friends, especially in the sexual arena.

We portray one image outwardly but if the curtain was drawn back, it would reveal a scene that would make Hugh Hefner blush.

My intention today is not to make you feel embarrassed or ashamed but to open our eyes to the fact that what goes on behind closed doors does not stay there, it comes out eventually and if it does not hurt you, it will hurt those you love.

Here are the details of an ancient scandal, as told by Jerusalem Today (a local paper):

“One late afternoon, David got up from taking his nap and was strolling on the roof. From his vantage point he saw a woman bathing. The woman was stunningly beautiful. David sent to ask about her and was told, “Isn’t this Bathsheba… wife of Uriah the Hittite?” David sent his agents to get her. After she arrived, he went to bed with her…

Then she returned home. Before long she realised she was pregnant.”
2 Samuel 11:1-

Can you imagine the panic in Bathsheba and David’s heart at that moment?

What followed were two cover up attempts: firstly, he sent for Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband and gave him friendly advice to “go down to your house and wash your feet”. Theologians say “wash your feet” was a euphemism for sexual intercourse. Evidently, this was an attempt to make it look like the pregnancy was Uriah’s. When that did not work (Uriah for some reason was not keen), David ordered that Uriah be put in the front line so that he would be killed in battle.

I can guarantee that when David was taking care of his father’s sheep, he never thought that he could ever do such a thing. Lust can make you do crazy things.

No one is immune.

If David could fall into the trap of a sexual secret, so can you. But you do not have to. There is one crucial, critical, vital question that we need to ask ourselves:

What kind of people am I choosing as my doorkeepers?

A doorkeeper (DK) is that person who is close enough to know what is going on inside of you and influential enough to sway your decisions about what you keep out or let in, because you trust them. Your DKs will either help you guard your sexuality or allow you to abuse it. Look around you, which DKs do you see?

1. Messengers

These are people that you have influence over, but they have minimal influence over you. The nature of the relationship is similar to one between an older and younger sibling. It is close but one person clearly exercises more “power” over the other. David’s messengers or “spies” could not challenge him when he asked them to investigate Bathsheba or to bring her to him. They had to do what he said without asking questions.

2. Joab

In David’s story, Joab was the guy that David ordered to send Uriah to the front line, he was the commander of David’s troops Joabs are the people you trust to advise you, you trust them with your life. They love you to death but do not have the courage or wisdom to challenge you or correct you when you are wrong. They want your approval and will often be heard saying, “Just do you boo!”

3. Nathan

This is the guy who had the nerve to come to the king and call him out for what he had done, he did not mince his words, he did not make it look pretty. Nathan is the person that you can trust to tell you to check yourself when necessary and will dish out some tough love. When you do wrong she will call you out on it and help you get back on the straight and narrow where you will find grace and forgiveness.

Which DKs do you have, messengers, Joabs, or Nathans? Ultimately, whether we are kings or servants, we will be held accountable for the choices we make. But surrounding ourselves with the right people will go a long way in keeping things safe for family viewing behind closed doors.

Thanks for reading.
Shula

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3 thoughts on “Behind Closed Doors :: Is your private life R18 or Fam?

  1. Hi Sanelle! đŸ™‚

    I used to have mostly Joabs too but eventually I became frustrated with those Relationships, they provided comfort but no depth. One thing opened the door to more Nathans: vulnerability. I shared my heart with my friends intentionally, consistently and in full detail. I said sorry when I was wrong, I cried when I was hurting and I told people that I loved them. My relationships became more honest, and the Joabs got sifted out.

    Something important to note: Nathan was sent to David by God. Ask God to send you Nathans and reach out to them. Maybe you already have someone in mind?

    • sanelle

      Yea maybe that’s the thing, vulnerability. I just find that sometimes all the honesty and vulnerability freaks people out. People love order, neatness, comfort. And vulnerability is messy, it is untidy and definitely uncomfortable. I use to be open and honest they I realized it made people feel uncomfortable. Almost like I walked into their houses naked. So I stopped. I don’t wanna make people feel uncomfortable. Now I keep it basic. I am praying for Nathans. People to do real life with. Cos this neat and fancy, comfortable life, nope, not my thing. It is shallow. I crave the messy kind of relationships. Well I guess me realizing all of us should be drawing me closer to my Nathans. I’ve been hurt to discover my “friends” have lied about tiny things in fear of being judged maybe(?). Mine is live beating heart man. I am hurt when I find out Zola lied about something as tiny as going to UCT instead of Rhodes. Especially if you told me that lie in person. So the Joabs and Messengers have been filtering themselves out of my life one tiny lie at a time. Surely if you feel the need to lie about what your boyfriend does just to look good, you can’t deal with real life, messy horror of my father losing his job. You hear me? Yes Lord, bring the Nathans already. I is ready!

  2. sanelle

    I have waaaay too many Joabs :/ it’s actually something I struggle with or rather that’s been bothering me forever. I don’t know if my personality that’s throws all the other door keepers off but at any moment I’m surrounded by Joabs and I hate that. I hate it! I hate it! Cos I can’t tell you anyone who’d call me out right now. Right now, I’m my door keeper that’s not necessarily good. I totally just whined like this is my journal. I hope I meet a Nathan. No one calls me out and it freaks me out.

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