“No I don’t want your number, no I don’t wanna give you mine, no I don’t wanna meet you nowhere, no I don’t want none of your time.”
TLC, “No Scrubs”
This morning I met a man in the GP’s waiting room. He approached me stealthily and slid into the seat next to the seat next to me, on the left (the seat next to me had my handbag on it. I put it there when I saw him approaching). He was a nice man and we had a nice conversation during which he somehow managed to extract information like what I was studying, where I am from, when I am leaving town and why I was there. He even got my name. The guy was smooth and really persistent. And quite charming too, as he waxed lyrical about his PhD and his trips to Johannesburg. He was insisting on my number and I kept saying no.
But I almost said yes.
Maybe because I felt like I had no choice, possibly because I wondered what it might be like to say yes. But I stuck to my guns so he left and I waited to see the doctor. While I waited I had time to think about scenarios in which I would willingly give a guy my number and what that guy would have to be like. I have had at least three other similar encounters this year. Two of them happened on the same night at a border post just before I crossed into Zimbabwe and the third when I was stopped on the street by a guy who said he was really anxious to get to know me because he had seen me around campus and I was”Looking good.” Let me be clear, these guys were not construction workers hollering from the back of a truck or old married men – they were decent-looking, educated and single young men. Yeah, I’m on a roll! And I have really perfected my speech when I need to let a man down gently and be nice about it. It goes something like:
“You know, it was really great to meet you and I enjoyed our chat but I just generally do not give my number out to anyone except people that I know really well. But if I see you again, we can definitely have a conversation. Thank you so much. *smiles tightly*”
It has worked so far and the usual response is something like, “Okay, that is fine. Thank you.” The guys know that at that point they do not have a chance.
It is kind of ironic that that random encounter happened in a waiting room. It reminds me of how being single young adult feels like serving time in a waiting room. Read my series “Waiting for God-oh to bring you a boy-oh?”
I sometimes worry that I will never meet a man that I can actually say yes to. I worry that my ‘standards’, suspiciousness and expectations will stand between me and giving a guy a chance. Or that the kind of guy that I would want to be with would not have the courage or boldness to step up and face the risk of me saying no. If you feel like I have been feeling, I have two thoughts to share with you:
Rest in God. Do not be anxious. Give your desires to God, be honest about your fears and choose to trust Him with your love life.
Relax. Be open. Do not be an ice queen who freezes men out of her life. Make lots of good, decent guy friends.
That is all I have to say. I know you have something to add. Comment below or hit me up on Facebook/ Twitter!
Thanks for reading.