TCT:: D.D.I.Y ~ Wait, don’t do it yourself


“Keep your drink just give me the money. It’s just you and your hand tonight.”


This is a post about masturbation. If this is a subject that you would rather not get into, you have been warned!

Celibacy is kind of cool these days. Not just monogamy, actual celibacy. And not just with religious people. I’ve heard about quite a few ‘non-religious’ people who have decided to be celibate until marriage, for whatever reason. A few years after I started University I started to feel frustrated about my sex life. For four reasons:

I have to wait until after I got married to have sex.

Waiting is hard.

Whether I get married is not something that I have absolute control over.

Waiting is hard.

I am starting to learn to come to terms with the fact that there are lot of things in my life that I do not have control over. Sure, I can put myself out there, make friends with men and make my intentions for marriage clear but when I get married is not something I can control for myself. And even though the stats say that most people get married rather than remain single – how can I know that I’m not part of the small percentage of the people who will never say ‘I do’?

:: self sufficiency and self-reliance.

A lot of you feel the same way as I do, frustrated, but waiting in expectation. And because of all the desires surging on the inside of you, you feel like you can’t be blamed for occassionally taking things into your hands. Literally. You may even say things like, “At least I’m not sleeping around.” or “Well, I’ve only done it once this month.” and you probably have a million billion excuses as to why you were justified this time around. And then maybe after the guilt sets in, you go of a self-imposed guilt trip where you make promises and vows to God about how you will never ever do it again.

“By myself I can do nothing.”

Those words are simple, but profound. Profound because those words were said by Jesus. If you want some context, have a look at the book of John, chapter 5. I want to focus on is this: Jesus was making a point of His reliance on His Father for everything that He did. If you are a believer in Christ’s deity then you will not struggle to understand how profound that statement by Him is! Christ Himself, who claimed to be God, said that He could do nothing by Himself! He chose not to rely on Himself, He described Himself as not self- sufficient!


The message that masturbation communicates to us is this: you do not need anyone else to be sexually satisfied, you are enough. It puts the power in our hands and teaches us that sexual pleasure is something that can be had independently of another person, for yourself. I take issue with this because

:: good sex is more about giving than getting.

Yes, I do know that my ability to speak with authority on this is seriously impeded. Indulge me for a while longer. Take a friendship: the healthiest and most mutually beneficial friendships are ones where the one is not looking to see what they can get out of the relationship but commits themselves to giving to the other. It makes sense that the same would be true of sex. Masturbation and porn have a way of training us to look out for our own pleasure and not that of another. If you have been playing singles tennis for most of your life, it’ll be a huge struggle for you to adjust to playing doubles.


I wrote above about my frustration with God about my sex life and I went through a time of serious struggle regarding how one is supposed to live according to God’s high standards. But I believe that God is always right, even when I do not understand or when it is hard to obey Him so I kept trying to find ways of keeping myself from falling back into the sinful patterns I would find myself in. But then I realised that

:: in my attempts to do right I was still falling into the trap of self reliance.

We were never meant to live this life on our own steam. Weirdly, when it comes to God, the first step to victory is surrender. Our surrender needs to come from a place of seeing how much we have fallen short and how in need of God’s grace we really are. By ourselves, we really can do nothing. Nothing that is pleasurable, lasting and beautiful, in the powerful in the true sense.

Wait, don’t do it yourself.

Thanks for reading.



2 thoughts on “TCT:: D.D.I.Y ~ Wait, don’t do it yourself

  1. Sihle'sam

    I commend you for the godly boldness you demonstrate by posting posts such as these.

    On this topic of DDIY, on an all rounder. I have come to learn the the answer for us as Christ followers is simple “Die to self” I’m not talking about fasting and crusifying the flesh and what so on. I’m talking about the renewal of the mind, where our hearts are so soaked on Jesus it filters and overflows to our minds, and we think and act like him.

    I personaly strugled with masturbation for a while, and honestly, it was because of an idle mind. I had not been spending time in scriptures nor in prayer, so my mind drifted and I was so focused on being lonely. Basicaly I loved myself more than I loved Jesus I was consumed in me,me,me. And literally all it took was me realising that I had taken the throne in my heart and all I did was pick up my bible again and got back to relationship with my Abba and that was that. Never leave that place. He is mercyful and gracious.

    If you’re are born again great, there’s no condemnation, just turn back to your Abba Father. And if you don’t know this Abba and you feel like you can’t help yourself from touching yourself. Call on Jesus. The Bible says in the book of Romans while we were still sinners He loved us so He loves you too, it’s up to you to believe and receive.

    Much Love
    The Lyrical Therapist

    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts LT! 🙂 I always appreciate your insight and your vulnerability in sharing your own experiences and struggles. Lack of an intimate relationship with God is definitely one of the reasons why some of us struggle to overcome sexual temptation. Instead of turning to God we turn to ourselves. I definitely have found that when I feel closer to God and more spiritually healthy, I’m less likely to feel frustrated and to give into the temptation. It is hard to cultivate a close relationship with God in the busyness of life but it is so worth it!

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